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Limes/Super Nintendo
Hello? Hello? Yes? I was calling about the limes out front. Hey...hey, buddy. You're waking up this whole fucking house and everyone's getting pissed off here. I don't know what you're talking about. ' Well, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Now, you just quit calling this goddamn number and leave us alone! '''There's a box out front, I was just trying to clear it with y'all to find out if you wanted it or not. ' sighs We don't wan't no fuckin' box. Goodbye. 'No, there's a box of limes laying out there. ' --- minutes of silence --- Hello? '''speaker being coached by LPC in the background Yeah, I received a page today. Umm...hold on. Dad? Dad? DAD! Junior, pick up the phone, will you? Yeah? Yeah, I received a page. I have an ad in the paper. Was that you? Umm... What's your name? Tim. Yeah, I have an ad in the paper for a Super Nintendo. Was that you? A Super Nintendo? Yeah. Umm...well, sorry to bug you, but we were looking for a game system...but we bought one, so...sorry to bug you. Well, ah...mine's better. Mine's cheaper. Mine is what you want. ' We got a Nintendo 64. Umm, well; sorry. We already bought one. '''Well, return it. What I'm going to do, is I'm going to give you the Super Nintendo, and I'm only going to charge you $5.59. ' For what? '''The Super Nintendo. I thought it was a Sega Saturn. No, you...you were misinformed. What do you say? I think you should return what you bought, and buy mine right away. Listen, I haven't got a lot of time, I need a decision right away. ''' Umm...well, then the answer is no. '''It's a very reasonable price. Alright...the system, the unit... Yes. ...is operational... Yes. For $5? And 59 cents. 59 cents. Wrapped. ''' What about... '''You can't go wrong. What about the games? sighs'' I don't have any games at the moment, I sold all of those. But, ah...what you can do is you can come over right away. I can get this thing right to ya, or...I'll just have to come over there, and...well, let's just hope that doesn't happen. So...you're going to come over right away, alright?' Umm, no I'm not. '''What's a matter, you don't...' And was that a threat, before? It wasn't a threat. How old are you? I'm 13. You're 13. Do you have a bicycle? What? Do you have a bicycle? No. Do you have a skateboard? No. Rollerskates? No. Rollerblades? No. How do you get around? My parents drive me, or I walk. Well...you can walk over here, I'm pretty close. How you know where I live? Ah...everybody knows that everywhere in Denver is in walking distance. ''' Actually, I live in Highlands Ranch. '''Oh, that's not far at all. So why don't you just come on over... Yeah, it is. Do you have $5.59 on you? No. You don't? I got a dollar. Hmm...well, I can put you on my layaway plan. What do you get for an allowance? ''' I get zero for an allowance. My parents give me lunch money, and I had it over. Left over. I get three bucks for lunch, I didn't spend it...all. '''What'd you buy for $2? A Big Mac? No, we have closed campus. If you can save one dollar for the next six days of school, then you'll have more than enough to pay me for what I have. I'm willing to work out a payment plan for you, so that you can pick this up tonight, and you pay me every night one dollar, until you're fully redeemed. How does that sound? ''' Well, can I talk to my parents first? ''sighs I'm afraid I don't have time for this. I have to make a decision right away. ' If you won't let me talk to my parents, umm...the answer is no. Six bucks, man. I don't have six bucks, man. What do you have? I've got a dollar. You have a Walkman? Nope. Do you have clothes? I'm not gonna trade 'em. Well, why not? Because I spen't good money on those. Thirty and forty bucks. [Goldeneye 007 music in background, faintly ] What kind of clothes do you have? Black. Gothic stuff. You into gothic rock? No. Do you have any CDs, maybe? Actually, I don't. You don't have any toys? No. No? Well, my nephew.. 'sighs Hey, I could've talked to my parents by now. Well...''laughs ''Your story has really affected me, so I'm just gonna give this to you. All you have to is walk down here, and I'll give it to you. Umm...well, no. laughs What do you mean?!' 'Cause I don't even know who you are. You're about to blow the biggest freebie you'll probably ever have in your life, just because you won't walk down here. interrupting ''It'll take me about two hours to walk down to Denver. 'sighs ''Okay, so you'll be here at ten. What time's bedtime?' I'm not going to be out, walking around for four fucking hours. Tell me something about school. What? Tell me something about school. Do you like it there? ''' No. '''Why not? Because. Do you like anything about school? No. Do you like...your parents? Sort of. What is it about your parents you like and what is it about school that you don't like? Many things. What do you plan to be when you're...grown up? I plan to be dead ''when I'm grown up. '''How long...talking in background...how long, how long until the final day? Or have you planned that far?' Haven't planned that far. About...probably around 18. 21. When I was 14, I did not think I would live past 20. And here I am...75. You're not 75 years old. sighs I don't see why such a bright young man would want to end his life so soon. Well, I do. Why's that? Because nobody'll miss me. What about your parents? You kind of like them. Eh...oh, well. You're change your attitude before you know it. And...this video game...is...officially...gone. Okay, fine. Alright, fine. I'm gonna hang up, now. I really enjoyed talking to you. ''' ''takes over I'm gonna kick you in the jaw, young man. ' How? My foot. How's your foot gonna get to my jaw? My leg. My fist. And how's your body gonna get here? Here, hold on for a second... '''Let me talk to your mom. ''throat Alright, hold on. Hey, Mom. child's father picks up the phone ''Hello? '''Oh, hello.' Yeah. What can I help you with? I've been listening to this conversation for a little while. It sounds kind of interesting. Yeah, my name is Prick Baxter. Uh-huh. I'm sure you are. And I represent the, ah...Unilateral, ah...Committee. ' Uh-huh. '''Bear Valley. ' What...I'll, ah...I'll call the phone company, see if they wanna check you out. '''Ah, you better call a youth pastor. Think you got some real trouble on your hands, my man. ''feedback'' Umm...any time, any place. Yeah, I'm gonna bring a branch to your jaw, in a minute. Timmy, hang up the phone. Alright. I guarantee, you can bring a branch, you can bring a goddamn... --- ''partner ''Did you...yeah...six-seven... Hello? Hello? Yes. I just received a page. ' Oh, umm...I'm looking...is this Mark? '''No, it's not. ' '''loop ''Yes. I just received a page. '' Oh, umm...I'm looking...is this Mark? ''No, it's not. '' Oh, okay...I'm looking for someone, ah...with this pager who just apparently called my son a few minutes ago...umm, and made a rather harassing phone call. Would that have been someone, from, ah... ''LPC ''I think Tim was the offensive party, in that one. Ah...so this was you that called. And your name is...? This is Wyatt. Wyatt? Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, Wyatt; I just heard the last part of the conversation. And I had a few words with you, and I just wanted to make sure that I got the correct pager number, and everything... Yeah, why don't you... I'll tell ya, if anything happens like this again... Yeah? I'll be talking to whoever I need to talk to, to get it resolved. You're gonna be talking to the pavement, once you're lying right upon it. And that's the long and short of where I'm coming from. Uh-huh. Well...you know, I can...we can get things straightened out if we need to, I'd just as soon it stop right now... Oh, buddy...I'll come down with a branch, take it to your jaw...ain't no problem. Uh-huh? Yeah, yeah. Well...we got a little bit of it on tape, the previous conversation...and, umm... Fine. We'll play it at your funeral, how does that sound? Yeah? Well, that sounds fine. Umm...I can take it over to my neighbor and play it for him, and he can take it down and play it for the people who need to hear it, and then they can call and talk to you about...whether or not you should be able to keep a telephone in your house or not. I'll put a vicegrips on your jaw. Yeah? Well, I'll take your nuts, and cut 'em off, and stuff 'em down your throat. How's that? That sounds like it'd be fun, too. PSHHH...I'm gonna make birdseed out of your face, and my foot. Ain't no doubt in my mind, partner. You're just looking for trouble. Now, don't come down here, you'll get hurt. interrupting ''Hey, hey...you know, I could, I could take you with my eyes closed, both hands behind my back. And, ah...I...I'd fuck you up the butt anytime, man. I mean, I'd have fun doing it. '...Ah, you're sucking some serious dick now, my man!'''